


If I Was Your Girlfriend

by cndyprfumegirl



Series: Canem Story Time With Prince [1]
Category: Erkenci Kuş (TV)
Genre: CanEm - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 18:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cndyprfumegirl/pseuds/cndyprfumegirl
Summary: This story is three separate, unrelated scenes all inspired by one song.  The first one is rated G, the second one is M, the third one is G with angst. In my world, there is pre-marital sex happening.  This story is before they go alllll the way.“If I Was Your Girlfriend”Prince, 1987If I was your girlfriend, would you rememberTo tell me all the things you forgot when I was your man?Hey hey, when I was your manIf I was your best friend, would you let meTake care of you and do all the things that only a best friend can?Oh, only best friends canIf I was your girlfriendOoh, hoo, ho oohIf I was your girlfriendIf I was your girlfriend, would you let me dress youI mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out?Not that you're helplessBut sometime, sometime those are the things that bein' in love's aboutIf I was your one and only friendWould you run to me if somebody hurt you even if that somebody was me, yeahSometimes I trip on how happy we could be, pleaseIf I was your girlfriendOoh, hoo, hooIf I was your girlfriendWould you let me wash your hair?Could I make you breakfast sometime?Well then, could we just hang outI mean, could we go to a movie and cry together?'Cause to me baby, that would be so fine (that would be so fine), oohBaby, can I dress youI mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out? (if I was your girlfriend)Listen girl, I ain't sayin you're helplessBut sometime, sometime those are the things that bein' in love's aboutSugarSugar, do you know what I'm saying to you this evening? (If I was your girlfriend)Maybe you think I'm being a little self-centeredBut I, I said I want to be all of the things you are to me (if I was your girlfriend)Surely, surely you can seeIs it really necessary for me to go out of the roomJust because you want to undress?We don't have to make children to make loveAnd we don't have to make love to have an orgasmYour body's what I'm all aboutCan I see it?I'll show youWhy not?You can do it because I'm your friendI'd do it for youOf course I'd undress in front of youAnd when I'm naked, what shall I do?How can I make you see that it's cool?Can't you just trust me?If I was your girlfriend, you couldOh yeah, I think soListen, for you naked I would dance a balletWould that get you off?Tell me what willIf I was your girlfriend, would you tell me?Would you let me see you naked then?Would you let me give you a bath?Would you let me tickle you so hard you'd laugh and laughAnd would you, would you let me kiss you thereYou know, down there where it countsI'll do it so good, I swear I'll drink every ounceAnd then I'll hold you tight and hold you longAnd together we'll stare into silenceAnd we'll try to imagine what it looks likeYeah, we'll try to imagine what, what silence looks likeYeah, we'll, we'll try to imagine what silence looks likeYeah, we'll try





	If I Was Your Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This story is three separate, unrelated scenes all inspired by one song. The first one is rated G, the second one is M, the third one is G with angst. In my world, there is pre-marital sex happening. This story is before they go alllll the way.
> 
> “If I Was Your Girlfriend”  
> Prince, 1987
> 
> If I was your girlfriend, would you remember  
> To tell me all the things you forgot when I was your man?  
> Hey hey, when I was your man  
> If I was your best friend, would you let me  
> Take care of you and do all the things that only a best friend can?  
> Oh, only best friends can  
> If I was your girlfriend  
> Ooh, hoo, ho ooh  
> If I was your girlfriend  
> If I was your girlfriend, would you let me dress you  
> I mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out?  
> Not that you're helpless  
> But sometime, sometime those are the things that bein' in love's about  
> If I was your one and only friend  
> Would you run to me if somebody hurt you even if that somebody was me, yeah  
> Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be, please  
> If I was your girlfriend  
> Ooh, hoo, hoo  
> If I was your girlfriend  
> Would you let me wash your hair?  
> Could I make you breakfast sometime?  
> Well then, could we just hang out  
> I mean, could we go to a movie and cry together?  
> 'Cause to me baby, that would be so fine (that would be so fine), ooh  
> Baby, can I dress you  
> I mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out? (if I was your girlfriend)  
> Listen girl, I ain't sayin you're helpless  
> But sometime, sometime those are the things that bein' in love's about  
> Sugar  
> Sugar, do you know what I'm saying to you this evening? (If I was your girlfriend)  
> Maybe you think I'm being a little self-centered  
> But I, I said I want to be all of the things you are to me (if I was your girlfriend)  
> Surely, surely you can see  
> Is it really necessary for me to go out of the room  
> Just because you want to undress?  
> We don't have to make children to make love  
> And we don't have to make love to have an orgasm  
> Your body's what I'm all about  
> Can I see it?  
> I'll show you  
> Why not?  
> You can do it because I'm your friend  
> I'd do it for you  
> Of course I'd undress in front of you  
> And when I'm naked, what shall I do?  
> How can I make you see that it's cool?  
> Can't you just trust me?  
> If I was your girlfriend, you could  
> Oh yeah, I think so  
> Listen, for you naked I would dance a ballet  
> Would that get you off?  
> Tell me what will  
> If I was your girlfriend, would you tell me?  
> Would you let me see you naked then?  
> Would you let me give you a bath?  
> Would you let me tickle you so hard you'd laugh and laugh  
> And would you, would you let me kiss you there  
> You know, down there where it counts  
> I'll do it so good, I swear I'll drink every ounce  
> And then I'll hold you tight and hold you long  
> And together we'll stare into silence  
> And we'll try to imagine what it looks like  
> Yeah, we'll try to imagine what, what silence looks like  
> Yeah, we'll, we'll try to imagine what silence looks like  
> Yeah, we'll try

**If I was your girlfriend, would you tell me?**

Can  
I am meeting Sanem to take her to lunch. As I pass by Leyla’s office, I can see Sanem is there talking to her and Guliz. 

I can hear the women laughing and talking animatedly through the glass. When I knock, it suddenly becomes silent and they look at me like they were caught doing something they shouldn’t. I wonder what they were talking about that they didn’t want me to hear. Sanem stands with a wide smile. “Can! You’re here!“ She comes close to me, stands up on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck for a quick hug. She slyly presses her lips against my cheek on the side where Leyla and Guliz can’t see before lowering herself and stepping away from my body. I love when she does things like that… When she gives me affection even though she’s afraid that someone will see. I think it’s brave. But I think everything she does is brave. “I am almost ready,“ says shyly, not making eye contact, “Let me just get my purse.” She runs around me to go to her work area. Even though she’s brave, she’s still shy about it. And I love that too. I love everything about her.

She’s back quickly, and we wish Leyla and Guliz easy work and head to the garage. Once we are all alone and have driven a couple of blocks away, I feel it’s safe to broach the topic of my curiosity. “Sanem, what were you ladies talking about before I arrived? You suddenly became so quiet after I knocked.“ 

Her eyes grow wide and she blushes. She looks down at her lap and shakes her head to dismiss the topic. “It was nothing, Can. You know, just girl talk.“ 

I don’t like the idea of her not feeling comfortable telling me anything. I want to know everything about her. I don’t want there to be any part of her that she is not willing to share with me. I feel irrationally jealous of the ladies who are her trusted friends. I know that she would tell them anything without hesitation. Why does it have to be different with me? 

Sanem is looking at me inquisitively, trying to figure out what I’m thinking. “Can? What are you thinking about?” 

“I don’t know if I am just being silly. I don’t know if you will understand.“ 

“Why don’t you tell me, and we will figure it out together? I don’t want you to keep things from me, Can.” She’s looking at me now and her eyes are sincere.

“That’s what I was thinking about. Sanem, are you embarrassed to tell me what you were talking about? I don’t want there to be any part of you that other people know better than I do. Does that sound ridiculous?” 

“I understand you, Can. But I think it impossible for you to know every part of me better than everyone else. As it is impossible for me to know every part of you better than anyone else.” She turns her body in her seat to face me, I know she wants to be able to read my face better. She can read me better than anyone. 

“I understand that, but I mean for example what you were talking about with your sister and Guliz. Why can’t you tell me? There’s a part of you that exists and you won’t let me in. And I want you know every part of your mind. I love you so much that I need to know everything that goes on in your beautiful head.” 

“Do you tell me everything that goes on your head? There are some things that I think in my mind that I never share with anybody. I think all of us have that part of ourselves that we keep secret, don’t you?“ 

“What you are saying is true, Sanem. But I don’t want it to be true about you and me. Even something that is so private that you don’t feel like you tell anyone, I want you to feel like you can tell me. I want to know the deepest, darkest corners of your soul. Can’t you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I understand you.” She’s quiet for a moment, looking out the window. “You really want to know what we were talking about before you came?“ she says, turning to look at me.

“Yes, I really want to know. Tell me what made you look away and blush the way you did when I asked you about it.”

“Guliz was teasing me about you…”

“What exactly was she teasing you about?“ 

“Your beard…“ 

“My beard? What about my beard? This is getting very interesting.“ I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and I can see that she is uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to tell me. That only makes me want to know more. I reach over and take her hand and kiss it before I flatten her palm against my thigh and cover it with my own. “Please, Sanem. Tell me what has you blushing so beautifully. I have to know now.“ 

The words tumble out of her before she can stop them, “She was teasing me about kissing you with your beard. Asking if I can find your lips. She was joking, you know...it was silly…” she said with a nervous laugh. “And about how it feels when you kiss me.” Her eyes can’t meet mine now, and she looks out the window again. I squeeze her hand in mine where it rests on my leg to encourage her. 

“What did you say?“ 

“I told her to mind her own business!” she insists loudly. When she continues, it’s a whisper, “But then I told her that I’ve never felt anything more magical than your kiss and even though our first kiss happened in the dark, we had no problem finding each other‘s lips--like we were attracted to each other by some powerful unseen force. And your beard… the feel of your beard against my face, and the way I can still feel it and see evidence of your kiss on my skin hours later--it’s my favorite feeling in the world.“ That last part she said with her eyes locked on mine. 

I can’t help myself; I have to kiss her immediately, so I pull over and I take her face in my hands and kiss her soundly. She whimpers softly when I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and she brings her hand up to stroke my beard. I pull back and smooth her hair with both hands. Her eyes are still closed and her plump lips are turned up in a slight smile. She opens her eyes slowly and her eyes are dazed. She pulls her hand forward on my face and traces my lips with her thumb. My heart is beating wildly in my chest with the love I feel for her. “Thank you for telling me.“

“I like that you know how your kiss makes me feel. I mean, I know you know I like it when you kiss me because I kiss you back,” she says with her trademark mischievous smile. “But I’m glad I told you in words. I want you to know the deepest, darkest corners of my soul, Can. And I want to know yours, too.”

“My soul is yours, canim.”

 

*******Your body's what I'm all about. Can I see it?

“Is it really necessary for me to go out of the room/Just because you want to undress?  
We don't have to make children to make love/And we don't have to make love to have an orgasm   
Your body's what I'm all about/Can I see it?”  
Can  
We arrive at the hut just before sunset. I unload our things from the truck and Sanem busies herself with unpacking the groceries I brought. I’m planning to grill for her, because I know how she loves her meat. Bebishko, I raise an eyebrow and smirk a little to myself. I love Sanem, and my love for her is pure, but I’m finding it more and more difficult to keep my thoughts pure the longer we are together. I’ve never felt this way about any woman before, and I’ve never waited for any woman this long before. And now I’m making meat jokes to myself like I’m 13. Focus on the grill, Can, sexual frustration doesn’t look good on you.   
I start preparing the grill, and I realize the matches are in one of the bags I took into the hut. “Sanem, have you seen…” I stop walking and talking and breathing and, I swear, my heart stops beating because I catch Sanem just as she has pulled her dress over her head and she is standing in the middle of the room in nothing but matching lacy pink bra and panties. My jaw drops and my hand covers my mouth. I know I should look away, but I can’t. I physically cannot NOT look at her. She’s perfect.   
“Can!” She crosses her arms over her chest. “I was just taking off my clothes...I mean, I was changing. Ugh!” She stomps her foot, irritated with her own awkwardness. She’s flustered and it’s adorable. “Don’t you knock? And what are you smiling at??”  
I realize she’s right; I’m smiling. Big. “Am I smiling, Sanem?” I ask as I walk toward her, my smile getting even bigger.  
“Yes! You are smiling, and you’re coming closer! What are you doing? Can you look away?” She backs up a little as I get closer and her head bumps into a shelf mounted on the wall behind her. Her hand goes up to rub her head without realizing she’s leaving herself exposed to my hungry gaze. “Ah, Sanem, ah! Why are you always making a fool of yourself?” she says under her breath.  
“I can’t look away,” I say as I come to a stop in front of her, so close our bodies are nearly touching. I see her throat work as she swallows nervously. I pull her slightly to the right so the shelf isn’t behind her and back her up against the wall. My face comes close to hers and I trace her jaw with the bridge of my nose and kiss her pulse where it flutters under her ear. I lean in and whisper, “You are so beautiful. Can I look at you, Sanem?”   
I lift my head and look at her face and her eyes are closed and her chest rises and falls quickly with her shallow breaths. I feel her arousal coming off her in waves, and it only intensifies my own. I hold her face in my hands and run my thumbs lightly over her eyelids. “Open your eyes, güzelim.” She does, and she raises them slowly to meet mine. 

Sanem  
Oh, god. What did I get myself into? It’s hard enough to resist Can when I’m dressed, but I’m nearly naked and his body is pressed against mine and he’s telling me I’m beautiful and asks if he can look at me. YES, I want to shout! YES! Look at me! Put your hands on me! Pull me against you and kiss me hard and deep the way I dream about when I’m alone in my bed. But my good girl compass kicks in and it doesn’t allow me to say it. Not in words, I can’t say it.   
He tells me to open my eyes and I do. The desire I see in his eyes is almost too much and I look down. He puts his index finger beneath my chin and lifts my head up so I’m forced to look at him. “Can I look at you, Sanem?” he says. His voice is low and rough, and I feel his question in a sharp tug between my legs. I nod almost imperceptibly, and that’s enough for him. His hands move from my face to my shoulders and run slowly down my arms until his hands are holding mine. He steps back, keeping hold of my hands. His eyes are still on mine. They briefly flick down to my lips and back up. I want him to kiss me so badly. I squeeze my legs together, trying to ease the empty clenching I feel there. He sees my movement, and I know he knows what I’m feeling. I see a hint of triumph in his eyes--he knows the power he has over my body, but this is the first time he’s acted on it. Up until now he’s been the perfect gentleman--and it’s been torture.  
His eyes start slowly traveling down my body. He takes in every detail. He makes me feel like a priceless sculpture being studied by the most discriminating of art connoisseurs. I struggle to stand still. I squeeze his fingers involuntarily as his eyes move from my lace-covered breasts down my ribs and stomach, very slowly down my legs. The appreciation I see reflected on his face makes me feel cherished. “Can,” I have to say his name. I don’t know how much longer I can take him looking at me and not saying anything or touching me.   
His eyes fly back up to mine. He lets go of one hand and raises the other over my head. “Turn around for me, Bebek.”  
Can  
My eyes travel the front of her body from head to toe. I will never get my fill, but I need to see the rest of her. I ask her to turn around. She blushes gorgeously and she allows me to spin her slowly so she’s facing the wall. Her hair falls down her back in perfect waves. Her skin is flawless and I know it will be silk under my fingertips. My eyes reach her perfectly round, firm behind and I almost lose my barely-there restraint. I’ve spend more time than I would like to admit admiring her ass since I met her. What can I say? I’m an ass man and hers is perfection. I want to bite it.   
She turns her head slightly to try to see what I’m doing. I close the distance between our bodies and press my front to her back. I’m hard for her and I want her to feel it. I wrap my arms around her middle and pull her tight against me, my hands flat against her stomach. I hear her moan quietly and I think about how I’d just have to make the slightest movement to push my hand into her underwear and feel the heat between her legs, but I keep my hand where it is for the time being. I reach up with my left hand and push her hair off of her neck. I lean down and kiss her from her shoulder up to her ear. “Sanem, do you know how beautiful you are to me?”  
“You make me feel beautiful, Can,” she admits. Her voice is husky, her breathing still shallow.   
I suck her earlobe between my lips and scrape my teeth against it and her knees buckle. I hold her tighter to keep her upright. Her hands come up to cover mine over her stomach. I love how responsive she is to my touch. I can’t wait to make love to her, but we don’t have to make love for me to touch and kiss and lick every inch of her and see what makes her crazy.   
I kiss her cheek tenderly and turn her in my arms so she’s facing me. She looks up at me with her big dark eyes and her arms come up around me, one hand dives into my hair and the other squeezes the back of my neck. I lean down and kiss her, my lips moving insistently against hers. She surprises me by opening her mouth for me, and I don’t lose any time taking advantage of the opportunity she provides. We’ve never kissed like this before, and when I get my first taste of her sweet mouth, I’m hooked. I tilt my head for better access and deepen the kiss. My hands smooth down her back to her ass and I dig my fingers into her flesh and pull her up impossibly closer to me, my hardness pressing against her core. Her fingers tighten in my hair and she breaks the kiss to catch her breath. Our eyes meet and electricity crackles between us. “Can, I want more. I’m tired of being a good girl and I don’t want you to be a respectful gentleman anymore.” She sounds like a pouty little girl being denied extra dessert, and I lean down and kiss her hard and quick.  
I find it funny that she calls me a respectful gentleman while my hands are full of her ass and my hard dick is pressing against the wet heat between her legs. I smile at her and ask, “Does this feel like what a gentleman would do?” I give her a squeeze and thrust my hips against her. Her eyes close and she whines in pleasure.   
“No, it doesn’t, and I don’t want you to ever stop, okay? Don’t stop, Can.”  
I lift her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. I walk over to the bed and lower both of us down onto it so she’s on her back and I’m on top of her, nestled between her legs. I continue kissing her. I unclasp her bra with one hand and I pull it down her arms and throw it behind me. With her breasts bared to me, her shiny hair fanned out on my pillow, her eyes heavy with desire for me, she is my every fantasy come true. “I love you, Sanem.”  
“I know you do. I love you, too. So much.”   
Sanem

He kisses me again and he leans on one elbow so he can watch his hand on my breasts. He kneads my right breast gently with his long, talented fingers. He lightly skims his palm over my hard nipple and I feel the sensation between my legs. When he leans down and sucks my nipple into his mouth, I think I’ll die. “Can! Please!” I don’t know what I’m begging for, but I beg anyway. I look down at him sucking on me and I go out of my mind with pleasure. “Please, Can!” 

His mouth moves to give equal attention to my left breast and his hand moves down from the center of my chest, down my stomach, to the band of my panties. “Take them off, Can.” I’m past worrying about modesty. I am his. He immediately pulls my panties down my legs and the join my bra somewhere behind him on the floor. He stops and looks at me for a few seconds, and I feel like he wants to eat me alive. And apparently he does, because in the next instant his head is buried between my legs and his tongue is licking me from my entrance to the hard little nub that is begging to be touched. He sucks and licks me until I feel like I’m going to come out of my skin. My hands are fisted in his hair, holding his head against me, and my hips buck up against his mouth, chasing the bliss I can feel waiting for me. He moves his hands to hold my hips still and his mouth moves back to my entrance to lap up the wetness there. When he moves back up to my clit, he pushes two fingers inside me. The intrusion surprises me and I clench my muscles around his fingers. He kisses my inner thigh gently and says, “Shhh. Sanem, relax.” I do, and he slowly starts moving his fingers inside me as he continues to lick me. The combination of his fingers and his tongue pushes me over the edge and I chant his name like a prayer, over and over mindlessly until I float back down to earth. Can’s fingers are still inside me, and I can feel my walls pulsing around him. He slowly pulls them out of me and he kisses his way up my body leisurely, taking his time in what seem to be his favorite spots--my belly button, the soft underside of my breasts, my hip bones, my collar bone. He comes up and kisses my lips softly and I can taste myself on him; I’m surprised at how much I love that. 

“How do you feel, sevgilim?”

“I feel like I’ve melted” I laugh.

He rolls over onto his back and pulls me tight against him and kisses the top of my head. I hold onto him with everything in me and kiss the spot over his heart. “Don’t worry. I’ll hold you until you’re solid again.”

 

******Would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?**

Episode 38 Spec (This was written before the episode aired. Rated G. Angst warning)

Sanem

“If you don’t want to get married, say it. We can back out of it,” Can says. His voice is indifferent. 

I look at him in disbelief. “Can, what are you saying?”

“Sanem, we have been arguing for a week. All I want is to marry you, but you keep finding excuses to delay our wedding.” His voice has gone from indifferent to cold, as have his eyes. I have met this version of Can more times than I care to remember, and I flinch when he speaks again, expecting the hurtful words that he hurls at me. “I’m beginning to think you don’t really want marriage. I can’t do this anymore. It isn’t working.”

I’m stunned and I just stand there looking at him. He begins to fidget under my intense stare. I think he knows he went too far, but his pride won’t let him take it back. He strikes quickly in anger, and doesn’t feel regret until he has calmed. I know his pattern. I come back to myself, and, without a word, go upstairs to change out of the wedding dress back into my own clothes. I leave without saying goodbye. I vaguely register him calling my name as I walk out the door, but I ignore him and hail a taxi. I cry all the way home.

Can’s words play over and over in my head, keeping the mind-numbing sleep I’m hoping for at bay. I turn over onto my back and try to find a comfortable position. What a cruel joke this day has turned out to be. We were so excited to model for this campaign, and at first, we were giddy with excitement. We thought it would be fun to do something that focused on us after a week of planning Leyla and Emre’s wedding. He looked incredibly handsome in his wedding clothes, and oh, god...the way he looked at me when he saw me come down the stairs in the first dress. I thought his eyes would set me on fire. 

Everything was fine until I came downstairs in the third dress. As the two times before, his eyes caressed me from head to toe; his love and desire for me tangible. When I reached him, he took my hands in his and brought them to his mouth. His lips lingered against my knuckles and his eyes never broke contact with mine. My stomach flipped and my heart pounded. And then he said it.

“Sanem, let’s get married. Let’s forget our mothers and all these traditional things. These things are not us. Our mothers will be okay in time--they will get used to the idea eventually. Let’s go now and do it. I want you to be mine already.”

I drew my hands away from him, and took a step back. “Can, we talked about this. I thought you understood how I feel. I need our families to support us 100% and be happy for us. I can’t be happy knowing they are not. We can keep trying, they will come around soon. Please just be a little more patient.”

And that’s when everything went to hell. Since I left the photo shoot, I haven’t stopped crying. I just want to be alone in the dark and feel the crack in my heart expand until it rips me open.   
I ignore my parents when they ask what’s wrong, and I won’t open the door for Leyla.   
I realize the only person I want is Can and fresh tears run hot down my cheeks and I sob into my pillow. I’m so angry with him--so angry!--but right now, all I want is him lying next to me with his body wrapped around mine. I want to rage at him and make him feel my pain, and then I want to cry into his chest while his hands rub my back and his voice soothes me. I look at the clock and it’s 2:15. I make a decision. I get up and get dressed. I refuse to let him take himself away from me. 

Can

It’s the middle of the night, but I’m not asleep, so I see her approach the door. I must have conjured her out of pure will--she’s all I’ve been thinking about since she stormed out of the photo shoot. I can be such an asshole sometimes, and I know I wounded her. I wanted to check on her, go to her, but I didn’t think she’d want to see me. I’m so relieved to see her that I jump up to open the door before she knocks. My eyes drink her in and I see that she’s been crying. Of course she has; I might as well have cut her heart out and stomped on it. Her eyes and nose are swollen, but she’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Sanem, it’s late. What are you doing here?” I grimace, because I know I sound like I don’t want her to be here, and that isn’t true. 

She isn’t fazed by my question. “Can I come in?”

I move aside to make room for her to enter and she does. I close the door behind her and turn to face her.

“Can, you hurt me.” She gets right to the point. She squares her shoulders and widens her stance, like she’s preparing for battle. “You can’t do this to me every time you get frustrated or angry,” she continues. “I won’t allow it,” she says, her voice unwavering and her gaze steady. “When you’re angry, it’s like you know exactly where to aim to do the most damage, and you don’t hesitate to pull the trigger.” She jabs her finger into my chest over my heart for emphasis. “Can, I know you love me and I know you want to be with me, but I don’t deserve this kind of treatment from you every time you don’t like something I do or say.” With the last statement, she loses a little bit of her resolve, and I see her start to crumble a little. He shoulders droop and her eyes are pleading.  
“If it had been anyone else who hurt me, you would’ve been the person I would’ve gone to. Why should it be different because this time you’re the one who hurt me? You are my lover and my best friend and I need you to help me through this. I need you to understand me and help me fix it.” 

“Sanem…” I start, but she cuts me off.

“Let me finish, Can. How can you hurt me like this when I need you so much? Do you know how much power you have over me?” Her voice breaks and a sob escapes her, tears streaming freely down her face. She doesn’t even bother wiping them away. “I wonder if you realize what comes out of you in anger. I wonder if you regret your words. Are you as hurt as I am right now? Do you care about how I feel, or are you just satisfied that you hit your target?” 

“No, Sanem! Please don’t think that I would ever feel any satisfaction in causing you pain. On the contrary, I hate myself for hurting you like this.” I carefully pull her into my embrace and stroke her hair. I’m relieved that she lets me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said...not at all. And I know that doesn’t excuse it, but I have to tell you I didn’t mean it. If you can forgive me, of course I want to marry you...of course I will wait as long as I have to for us to be together. Me without you? Is such a thing possible?” I kissed her hair three times in succession before I continued. “I spoke out of frustration and anger at the situation--you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re so good, actually, for wanting our families to be happy before thinking of our own happiness. I am a selfish bastard.” I lean back from her slightly and wipe her tears away with my hands. I hold the back of her head in my hand and kiss her forehead and her eyelids before I rest her head back on my chest and rub her back in soothing circles. Though she’s leaning all her weight against me, her arms stay at her sides as she weeps, soaking my shirt with her tears. She’s not ready to forgive me yet, but I am so lucky that she will still allow me to comfort her. It gives me hope that I can win her back.


End file.
